How You Know You’re Old


Teletale signs you’re getting old:

1)  $600 annual bills for mulch

2)  Spend more money per month on olive oil than you do porn

3)  Repetitive bragging about your credit card reward situation

4)  When people suggest a hip bar to go to, you say, “Oh man, that place?”

5)  Explaining that Amazon Prime costs a lot up front, but in the long run you don’t have to lug paper towels and you save a boatload on shipping

6)  Early on a Friday night, if you’re out of hard liquor and beer; you don’t make a liquor store run because white wine will suffice

7)  Choose espresso over adderoll

8)  Talk about how one of your close friends lives somewhere tropical and has a low cost of living



This article was written by Hugh Honey. Vic Vinegar is now finished.

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