I Just Remembered that Venus Flytraps are Real

File:Dionaea muscipula closing trap animation.gif

Vegetarians, tell your food not to eat my food.  I have so many questions about this thing: can vegetarians eat a venus trap, and still remain vegetarian (what if it just digested frog)?   The venus trap is obviously a carnivore.  And has anyone ever tried rolling up a venus flytrap and smoking it?  I bet that shit would get you high as hell.  Do they bleed red blood?  Do they mourn when nearby venus traps pass away?  Do they get emotional when they are hungry and nothing is landing in their stupid open mouths?  I have so many questions about this thing that I might actually buy one just to run tests on it.  Would I name it like a pet?  Does it get a dude or a chick name?  It would also be really fun to prod its mouth with a pencil and watch it waste all it’s stupid plant energy shutting and opening its mouth with no meal in it.  Idiot trap.  Why isn’t it pulling nutrients from the ground, it’s rooted in the ground, right?  That would be like if a group of animals refused to eat with their mouths, and dug their feet into the ground to get nutrition – that’s how weird these things are.  Straight out of a Peter Jackson film written by Dr. Suess.

This article was written by Hugh Honey. Vic Vinegar is now finished.

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